Where did things go wrong?

There are so many things that have happened in my life that has lead me to be the kind of person that I am today. Some of it was good but a lot of it was not so good. And it is because of this that I have learned to be patient and understanding. That even though you are having a bad day someone else might be having a worst one. So I learned to bid my time, but there is only so much that I can put up with before I can explode. 

Things these past couple of weeks have not been easy and have been very stressful in that it has disturbed my sleep. Lack of sleep can lead to a lot of non consequential problems that shouldn't have happened in the first place, but what can you do. So, with that said, hoping for a little sympathy might not seem like a lot but it is. Hoping that someone will be there for you to listen, when you yourself have done so numerous times, shouldn't be too hard. Yet it is. I admit that I find no fault because we all have things that are going on that we might not be sharing with everyone else around us, but I don't know. Am I asking for too much? 


At least I don't  thinks so. I was on;y hoping for some of that support that I have been giving everyone else lately. With that being said, I don't see what fault of mine it could be when you tell me that the reason being is because I haven't said or mentioned anything about what might be happening. Well I believe that it is a little hard to do when you're not listening to me in the first place. To much stress has been put onto me in these past 3 months since the year has started. How that came to be? I am still trying to figure that out. 


I know that I am not the most expressive person and that i like to maintain my private life mostly private, but you should know this already if you claim to know me for how ever long you claim to do. I am mostly human, but even then that might be debatable...... Hahaha I guess that wouldn't be the first nor the last time that someone asks me who am I. My response has and will always be me. I am Esperanza. I know it sounds stupid and makes no sense, but I don't make sense most of the time anyways. 


The way I see it is that I have become someone I am comfortable being. I can honestly say that I do not really fall into a certain typecast because I am malleable. To say the least I sometimes don't understand why people are so quick to put labels on someone. Because you believe in women's rights, does that make you a feminist?  I don't think so. I think that it makes you someone who has a desire to stand up for injustices being put on someone else. That it just so happens to be women but that can take it to new levels. Human rights, injustices, slavery...... the list goes on and on. I guess what I am trying to say is that just because someone believes strongly about one thing, it isn't the only thing that they are worried about. It's just the tip of the iceberg.

Randomness

I find it funny sometimes the way that things work out. In a business aspect it is the responsibility of said business owner to make sure that they have the proper materials to make sure that they business is able to thrive. Apparently my boss is not one of those believer because everything is falling apart. The sad part is not just that but that my other co-workers don't function well under guidance so it has landed on me to be the one to provide said direction. I am just tired of all of it. Why I stay here remains a mystery to me. Well I do know why because I have yet to find something else, because I don't want to have to deal with going to interviews and starting everything again. Yet I don't have a choice because the way things are going, I don't know how much longer I might be able to last. 

With that being said, this whole ordeal should help me in rediscovering who I am and what I am meant to be. This weekend I went to see Wanderlust and there was this part in which Paul Rudd's character tells his character wife Jennifer Aniston that he was tired of waiting to find out what she wanted to be when she grew up. This being said after listed all the things that she had tried and failed at all the while he continued working and supporting her. It wasn't till all this other stuff happened and they realized that despite everything, they still wanted to be together, that is when they finally realize what they want to do, what they have to do. 


Maybe that will happen with me? Lol, who am I kidding. I probably wont discover what my true calling is. Maybe someday soon, but I don't know when that will happen. Until then, i guess I will continue that path and see where it takes me and what new learning experiences it might bring.