Thoughts

It has been one of those days in which I am just so tired of everyone and everything. I know that sometimes people have bad days and what not but it is not my fault an DO NOT put blame on me. I have been seeing changes with one of my co-workers. I don't know where or how she got this idea that I am this vile person. You don't want to talk to me? That's fine. Better for me. That way I don't have to hear your drama anymore. And believe me she has drama. But don't pretend that i am not here. I am and you need to remember that just because sometimes I stay quiet and don't say anything doesn't mean anything. the only thing that it means is that i don't want to deal with you, but it doesn't mean that i wont if I have to. I was courteous to you and said hello back, but whether you were talking about me or about the other person here giving you an evil look, guess what it was all in your imagination. 

 I hate when people take things out of context or they put to much thought and details in to things that don't matter. I will admit that I sometimes do that, but I at least give you the benefit of the doubt. The thing is that you need to stop looking for enemies and start figuring out how you are going to get yourself out of the hole you dug out. Thats the problem. You can't figure it out and expect someone to do it for you and when that doesn't go your way you disregard them. Thats what I feel. Disregarded, used and abused. But guess what no more and that's what is really bothering you. You think that I am mean and that you never know when my mood is going to change. Well guess what cause if you think that way, then you never knew me at all and probably never will.

Chasing magic

So I started reading Chasing Magic by Stacia Kane. I like the series so far and have continued to read. One thing that I do have a problem with is all the self doubt. Yeah, I know we all have it and experience it from time to time yet it has been a reoccurring issue in the past several books. I know that it has to do with her being a drug addict and trying to survive "life" but sometimes it just feels like too much. 

I guess maybe because I am somewhat going through a lot of that minus the drugs and I really don't want to read about it anymore. One of the things that I like about this character is that despite what she thinks and everyone else she proves all of them wrong and still manages to get what needs to be done, done. I just feel like my life has come to a point. A point in which I must make that decision that will affect different outcomes in my life. I went to someone last week and they told me, after I asked about this stasis, that the only way that I was going to be able to move past it was by making a decision. It didn't really answer my question or help me find a way to get there. She mentioned either going back to school or actively finding another job. She did hit it nail on when she mentioned the whole healthcare but that is not where I want to end up anymore. So again I am left with many questions that have no answers. She did clarify that the job situation will be the same. That there would be no difference in money. So I guess if I did find another job it would pay the same. She did mention if I was thinking about buying a "new" car, when I answered no she said that it was a possibility in the next year. That started a whole new bout of what ifs....... To say the least I hope that if there is a new car in my future it wont be because something bad happened to the current one. Who know maybe I win one or something. What I was hoping that she would tell me was if there was someone new in my life that will stay there. NOTHING. She mentioned nothing what so ever about it. I was thinking of doing a full session with her but its 150 that I could use for something more productive. Like all these trips that I want to do.

Awkward?!?

So last night I was at the Awkward premier in Beverly Hills. I had wanted, which is why I had emailed Jasmin about the tickets going on sale. Well as we were there for the Q&A after the episodes were aired, I was taken back by two comments that really stuck out.

The first one was as a result of someone asking if they had any advice on someone who was almost finishing up high school. The response from Ashley was to just enjoy it and be themselves. Nothing is ever how it is when you are in high school and to enjoy what the senior year brings. She also said to make friends with others. There were other things that she mentioned but all that got me thinking. I believe that I am not the same person that I was when I was in high school. That I have grown and expanded my horizons. That being said it reminded me of an argument that I had several years ago with someone I now consider a good friend. We were letting somethings out and in one of those she confronted me about not opening up. About only opening up to one of my friends, but not her. I said " I have been friends with her for several years, its just easier because she knows what I am talking about". That started a whole new argument in which she expressed her sentiment that if we were nothing alike then why was I friends with them?!? My answer to that was " Well this is the thing that is obvious that you don't know about me. I like to make friends with people who are different then me." She the proceeded to ask me why, so I answered " because these people will expose me to new things. If I were to only be friends with people who were like me and liked all the same things that I like then that would be boring, and I don't want boring. " I think that was the turning point in our relationship because it made her view me in a different light and not as someone that was quiet and conservative, but as someone who was curious and learning about people and who they were. To say the least we are still friends and I have to say that it has been better.